Tuesday, December 13, 2011


In a post-apocalyptic future, the world’s water supply is controlled by an evil coporation known as Eco-Protectorate. Among their many ventures is orphanages that are run like prison indoctrination camps. A small group of like-minded orphans finds a mysterious orb that may prove to be their way out of the prison like walls of…you know what, forget it, there is no reason to explain this movie further. Let’s switch gears. Let me sum it up this way, take Mad Max: Road Warrior, mix it with Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, toss in some crappy 80’s TV family sitcom writing, make the whole thing about ten rungs stupider and you have Solarbabies.

In 1980, Mel Brooks decided to start up a small studio, Brooksfilms, and start producing handpicked, quality (not always comedic) films projects. He made a great go of it too, with movies like The Elephant Man, My Favorite Year and The Fly. The Fly was his first mega-hit, making just under $61million domestically. He followed it with this hunk of garbage and Brooksfilms didn’t make another lauded flick for years and soon the studio went out of business. There is simply no element of this movie that propels the story. The acting is bad, the dialogue is bad, the effects are lame as hell, the casting was weird, the concepts are pointless, the entire movie itself is a complete rip off of so many others. Let me just point one more thing out, it has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. While I’m not one to rely on that site, 0% is pretty damn stark.

If you want to get sauced and watch a movie about roller-skating teenage heroes of the future and might like spotting some of your favorite b-list actors from the late 80’s and early 90’s (hey, there’s that guy from Point Break, you know the blonde one, and there’s the guy from 21 Jump Street who wasn’t Asian or Johnny Depp, ooh, and look, there’s…), then this is the flick for you. If you’re anyone else in the world, you could probably just skip this one. Consider this warning my gift to you.